26 May

4 a.m.

4 a.m.

Who: Kate E Lore wearing a Buzz Lightyear young boys hoodie size large over top of a blue dress. Knit top stitch design on bottom. Under that a white tank top and back leggings. Geisha fake converse that are four years, old dirty, and falling apart. Buddha necklace fraying at the back. Pink and purple alternating and two bells toward the middle. Tacky but comfortable.

What: There is a moisture. This could be because I had gone running under the fountains of riverside in Downtown Dayton earlier this day. It had been at least six hours so more likely this is the naturally occurring morning dew. I imagine nature must drool while she sleeps.

I am waiting for Boone to get back. I am cold. I sit under a blanket that we had brought for the drive inn movie at Melody 49. I try to support these places when I can. I am troubled that this one I had just attended is likely to go out of business at the end of the Summer because of the cost to convert to digital projector.

Where: I am in Boone’s car in the Wallmart parking lot. He’s rolled up the windows and locked the doors but at least he left me music this time. I am listening to MGMT. The first album might be better lyrically, while the second better is better musically perhaps. Don’t quote me on that I’d want to compare them more thoroughly before going on any official opinion record. Anyway I find myself on the second album listening to The Nightmare of Lady DaDa. It’s a little 80’s feeling but I really like the distant scream you hear for the last quarter of the song. It’s like when you hear something so far away from yourself and you don’t know if it’s a distant siren, a child screaming or simply the wind.

So of course I jump clear out of my skin, splattering blood all over the interior of his car, when he reappears at the driver side door.


When: 4-something in the AM. After midnight. It’s late, much tired. 5/26/2013

Why: Boone has either acid reflex or an ulcer. He had to run into the store before dropping me off at my house. We’d had a cool day of hanging out, we had a long day, it was nice.

How: With a smooth cruise down an empty road that might give you the Illusion that the world isn’t as full and big as it really is. I am thinking about the Illusion that every human being holds to. This selfishness that makes everybody think that somehow they are different. In all my life I have come to see that most humans react the same, do the same, and think the same. (I’m talking in about the generic human to generic human issue. Your connections to something and your reactions to it. That which we actually choose on the broad not on the focus of any specific details. A child loves a pet who dies they lash out break some toys. A lover dies so the other crashes their car in anguish. A republican votes with their party, a democrat votes with their party. Someone who votes independent has probably had more life experience or is influenced by others.) We are all weird, we all make mistakes, we all do the same sort of things when we are alone. I’m thinking about the line in Fight Club “You are not a unique and special snowflake.” none of us are. But does the illusion necessarily hurt us? Perhaps if we really realized how very much the same we secretly really are we would learn to work together and not wage war upon each other? It’s so funny how many times I have heard someone tell me something about themselves as though it was strange and unheard of as if this something made them different from the rest of the w0rld. Well I’ve heard it from friends from coworkers and family and sorry honey that’s just being human. None of us are really that different. The biggest difference is maybe drive, obsession and specialty. Age, time, and your experiences throughout life will differ, levels of reaction differ. So dear human readers in a way you are unique for the combination of life experiences and levels of emotion you experience. Be happy for that. However do not be so arr0gent to ever believe that your natural behavior should be anything unique and special. There are exceptions and most of those people have made themselves so. You alone control your actions, reactions and drive. You have to push yourself into the higher levels above the crowd because honestly, you my dear, were not born special you must make yourself special. That or be honest with more people and you’ll realize you’re not so alone.

It’s easier for me to get thoughts out of my head in writing usually. Occasionally drawings. In any case it’s just the thoughts of silly little me and I mean no offense. For anyone who’s ever asked me where I went or what I was day dreaming about, that there was one of those silly thoughts I couldn’t really explain at the time.

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