For any writer you may feel at times like you are standing alone on a rock off the coast of a jagged shore. The water is turbulent and it is constantly crashing at the limestone under your feet with the fury of raging bull. You may wonder how much longer this weak stone can continue to hold you up. And what are you doing here anyway? You are standing here making things on paper forming and shaping these creations that you feel are art. You spend hours and hours creating this thing which is to you a magical wonderful world, it is a glimpse of something more from inside you. This art, this magnificent creation, you set it upon the water and it sinks slowly before you. It disappears below the surface like it never was at all. You realize what you did wrong. You know you can do better so you start all a new. Sometimes it is reworking the same idea and sometimes it is an all new creation. Whatever this may be the result is always the same.
Mel-Dog was really excited to see this last band unfortunately the lack of food, sleep, walking constantly, lack of water and having not partook in so long caught up with me. I started feeling really dizzy. I was getting super light headed and felt like I was swaying on my feet. I told myself not to. I told myself not to ruin everything by being that girl who passes out. I really didn’t want to but I must admit I have passed out several times in my life and I suppose something I’m prone to do. The world began to go black and white and I was numb every where but a flush of heat across head. I was falling backward and I said quickly “I have to sit down.”
They sat down with me instantly concerned as I was instantly humiliated and mad at myself. It felt like dehydration and I think to myself “Damnit, this is what you get for all those times you deliberately dehydrated yourself to stay trashed longer. This is karma for treating your body like that.” I’m not willing to accept that I’m getting too old for fun however I will acknowledge a need to eat better, sleep more and drink more water.
So we sit there and we can hear Mel’s band and I feel really bad that we can’t be standing up listening. We sit in a circle and I drink a Gatorade, and nearly two bottles of water. I drink all that but my head is still swimming and my mouth is still dry.
I feel a little nauseous but I’m less dizzy when we decide fight to get up and see the band. Next thing I know I’m following Mel through a thick sea of humans. We are weaving through them like a tight labyrinth maze. We stand to the side because Mel knows some guy in the band. I think he says Hi to us in passing, or maybe he stopped to talk to her.